Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
Susan Jeffers
How many times have we blocked ourselves through fear?
Usually it’s the fear of what might result, without any true evidence as to any real consequence.
It grips us and turns us into quivering wrecks, holds us in inertia, living our lives within the confines of the box, thus avoiding the risk of reaching our full potential or out ultimate desires.
We have any number of stories as to why we can’t but they mostly revolve around fear, fear of change, of failure, of pain, of rejection, the list goes on. But the ultimate fear is of not being worthy, of not being enough, of not deserving.
I recently followed the voice in my head and took up yoga –about 6 weeks ago having listened to this voice bang on for a long time.
For the last few years I’d stopped my life in order to escort for my father on his final journey. Having, sadly, dropped him off at the Pearly Gates nearly a year before I could hear the voice more clearly. “DO YOGA!” it said.
“Do yoga” indeed! I hadn’t done any exercise for over 3 years apart from walking the dog. I always believed I was built for stamina rather than speed and I certainly wasn’t supple enough for yoga!
I woke up one day to the realisation that I’d circled the sun 55 times and it was within the realms of possibility (although at that time not so much a probability) for me to circle it another 40 or 50 times.
So how was I going to manage this? Was I going to crawl over the finish line with my bad back, stiff ankles and worse, thinking ‘thank God that’s over ‘ or was I going to screech up to the Pearly Gates on my bike flinging my purple hat in the air shouting ‘woo hoo, what a ride’. I chose the latter.
I was already experiencing a frozen shoulder, mid back pain and stiff ankles in the morning. I was struggling to get to the top of the steps at Botany Bay, Broadstairs without gasping for breath and being left behind by friends walking their dogs on the beach because I walked too slowly! Also, I’d broken a rib on the trampoline a few days after my dad passed. Not jumping on it, I’d tried to move it!
So I’ve spent the last year cautiously (fearfully) avoiding getting hurt. I passed on 10 pin bowling (which I love) with my numerous groups of international students because of my fear.
But now I was getting my reality check, before I got to the point of no (easy) return. Now was my time for action – “DO YOGA!” the voice said.
Slumped in my ‘Snuggle Chair’ (it was named that when my 2 were toddlers and snuggled into the chair next to me) and paused Tipping Point to contemplate what action I needed to take to make the future more appealing to me.
I didn’t want to just sign up for the gym. You have to sign up for 6 months or a year and then you don’t go and it’s all a waste of money. One by us feels cramped & stagnant to me, all indoors with no fresh air or windows and the other is twice the price but does have an outdoor pool!!!! Hmmmmm, interesting – an outdoor pool…..
I used to love swimming in the Olympic pool at Crystal Palace as a youth and the outdoor Olympic size pools in Perth and the Gold Coast, Australia and New Plymouth in New Zealand. I loved the crystal clarity of the water and felt light, powerful and energised as I swam through the sparkling clear water.
”DO YOGA!” said the voice
As a child I loved to cycle and biked everywhere. A group of us would meet up in the morning and not show out faces until dusk every weekend and every day through the summer holiday. At 30 cycles of the sun I rode my bike from Barnstable in North Devon along the south coast back to Rainham in Kent, 60 miles a day staying in YHA hostels at night.
In New Zealand I found and fell in love with the Powerplate, such deep, intense, powerful, strengthening exercise for core and cardio. I had an amazing trainer in New Plymouth, Terri Hayes, who I can still hear shouting words of encouragement to me to keep going. Sadly I couldn’t bring her with me and in the UK where we live they don’t do Powerplate training, the machines are used to warm up/down before and after exercise – such a waste.
Again the voice said ”DO YOGA!”
Following the birth of my 2nd child I waddled my baby weight into the YMCA gym in New Plymouth where they gave me a wonderful circuit, my favourite of which was the weights and the stair machine.
My body loved the extreme exertion of these forms of exercise, powering through the water long distance, cycling up and down hills and mountains, muscle building, cardio workouts on the Powerplate and in the gym. I was built for endurance not YOGA!
So there I was, merrily driving to the shopping centre, when I found myself turn my car into the car park of the nice gym. By now I knew what I wanted to do. Swimming, weights and yes, ok, finally, I’d try yoga. I could continue to walk the dog and ride my bike along the Viking Trail. I’d priced up yoga and it was £6.50 a session and I felt I’d need 2 sessions a week. That was going to be £13/wk.
I enquired at the gym if they did monthly or 3 monthly memberships as I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying here. No, they only do yearly membership. That was no good. I’d joined the other gym before and wasted my money. I was about to walk away when the manager asked if I’d ever been a member before because if I was still on their database I could have a monthly rolling membership. For a free spirit like me who doesn’t like to be tied into long contracts that was perfect.
I was a bit concerned (fearful) about the £60/month membership but in the shortest month of February that works out at £15/wk and by doing 3 yoga classes and adding in swimming and, soon, the weight training it’s a bargain really! Plus there are so many other classes I could do along with free use of the gym, the Jacuzzi and steam/sauna rooms, the Spa and the cafe. As long as I continue to go and by booking the classes I feel compelled to honour my commitment.
I signed up and booked my first yoga class. It was amazing. Despite feeling a bit ‘mwha’ about getting off my comfortable butt and driving to the gym for 8.15pm by the end of hour I was buzzed. My body love the stretching, the strength & power involved. I found, and continue to find, just how supple, strong and able I am.
A few sessions later we had to attempt a shoulder stand – ha ha no way was that happening. I couldn’t even shift my butt a tiny bit off the floor. The teacher came and had me place my feet on her shoulder and as she moved forward my feet went up. I was jubilant. I went home and told my son, I was so excited. When he went out I decided to have another go with the settee behind me just in case – my first clue! I was able to get myself up (because I knew I could as I’d just done it, albeit with help) and as my legs & feet were coming towards my face I realised my FEAR!!!!! I was afraid I’d go over and hurt myself. OMG – that was such a fear releasing moment.
I keep doing it now and am finding it easier every time and I can do it for longer and hold myself higher and stronger. I don’t even need the settee behind me!
When I first started we’d done an exercise (all these are after very careful, structured warm up) where we were on our knees and had to lie back onto our elbows. I got much further than I expected and was propped with blocks in position. I felt very pleased with myself.
This week we did the same exercise, my second time, and I went right back with my head touching the floor. I’d started to go back, froze and recognised the fear, released it and went back further. I wasn’t brave enough to raise my hands over my head but decided – next time! Looking to the side at another lady who’d just started and she was ‘blocked up’ and I realised just what I’d achieved this week.
It’s not that I’m not supple. I was being shown how to do yoga properly, I had recognised my fear as being the stumbling block and been able to release it.
How many other times in my life have I given way to something because of fear? Now when fear pops up I recognise it as such and ask myself, is this fear real?
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real – Feel it and do it anyway!
